The Holidays are Here - Help!!!

The holidays are here! And while for many of us, that means yule tidings, and decking those halls with endless sparkle, comfort, and joy; but for others, it can mean awkward family gatherings where family members make off-color comments to you about your parenting, the kids are seemingly acting their worst and generally things just feel out of sorts.  

Here are some helpful (hopefully) tips to get you through those tricky times with class, and confidence:

Tip 1) “Thank you, but we’ve got this.”  Is your toddler acting up? Or is your 8-year-old arguing about putting nothing green on their plate? These things inevitably come up and if you have an aunt who cannot resist a “helpful’ comment about what you “should” do, this is a kind, yet direct way to let them know you aren’t seeking any help or advice.

Why it works: you’ve effectively shut down the conversation. You can smile at them to soften this if you have difficulty setting boundaries, but this communicates that you are not accepting feedback or help without seeming aggressive.

Tip 2) Have an exit plan. Stick to it.  Kids thrive on predictability and structure. The holidays lack both. Add in the overwhelm of constant stimulation from new events, locations, people, presents, more sugary foods, and later bedtimes.

Expect this time of year will likely cause these and

Prepare for this. If you see things starting to take a turn, have your exit strategy in mind. Often, that last hour you insist on sticking it out at your cousin’s house probably isn’t worth it if it means worse sleep for everyone and crabby kiddos the next day. Conversely, if you make that choice to stay, accept the consequences, and recognize that children do not have the coping skills of adults; it will be harder for them to recover. Whenever you can, keep their bedtime as close to normal as possible. Trust me, it’s worth it.

Tip 3) Gifts are overwhelming and dysregulating. If your kids act ungrateful and even seem rude when receiving gifts, it is likely due to general overwhelm and dysregulation, not because they are ungrateful. Kids have a hard time holding on to more than one thought or feeling at a time. So when opening gifts, their excitement at the gift, and the curiosity of what else there might be left to open far outweighs their social awareness of making sure they remember to show their gratitude. It’s not personal, it’s developmental and situational. Give them some time to process and then check in with them and see what they think later when things have calmed down.

Tip 4) Don’t forget your teens. This time of year tends to be geared toward younger kids, but teens matter too! Find things that they enjoy and make sure to spend time connecting with them as well. The activities might be different, but that doesn’t mean they don’t matter. Invite some of your teen’s friends over for a Christmas movie night in their favorite PJs if that’s what they love or take them ice skating. This is also a great opportunity to get involved in a local non-profit and give something back to your community with your teen. There are plenty of other opportunities throughout the year as well, but in the season of giving your teen may be inspired to sponsor a family for Christmas or volunteer at a local food bank. Think of ways to create memories that are connective for their age and interests.

Hopefully, these tips are helpful as you navigate these next few weeks filled with friends and family events.  I’m wishing you a safe, healthy, and happy holiday season!